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May 20th, 2010

06:59 pm - The Curse
Generally speaking, I'm pretty organized and prompt.

But you would never know it from my interactions with Audrey's first-grade teacher. So far, I have volunteered only about four or five times in the classroom. The first time, I showed up a month early. The second time, I showed up an hour early.

So when I replied to the teacher's email scheduling our end-of-year parent teacher conference, I said, "2 p.m. May 20 sounds great. See you then. Or at 1 p.m. May 20. Or at 2 p.m. April 20." Thinking, ha-ha-ha. ROFL! Of course I'm not going to be that dumb ever again!

When I showed up for my parent-teacher conference today, the first thing she said to me is, "You're going to HATE yourself."

I was half an hour late.

When I said goodbye to her after our (makeup) conference later today, I called back over my shoulder, "I'll see you soon! I'm scheduled to volunteer one more time before the end of the year!"

Just looked it up. I'm scheduled to volunteer two more times.

Poor teacher.

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May 19th, 2010

07:51 pm - Ridicliously Cute
There are still a few great mispronunciations in my household--though we miss "oytmeal," as in the breakfast cereal.

Caleb still says "ambliance" for "ambulance" and "ridiclious" for "ridiculous."

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07:49 pm - I before E
Me: The one thing you don't have to clean up is the Hot Wheels Trick Tracks.
Caleb: When you said that, I burst with re-life!
Audrey: You mean you burst with relief.
Caleb: Yeah, relief.

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April 21st, 2010

06:57 pm - Paleontology (Overheard)
Caleb: The dinosaurs died because a mediator blew up.

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07:52 am - Geography (Overheard)
Caleb: Audrey, did you know there are five oceans in the whole, wide country?
Audrey: Yup.
Caleb: How did you know that?
Audrey: Last year in kindergarten we learned about Mexico.

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April 15th, 2010

10:41 pm - Please Accept My Resignation
Today Martha* sent me and a whole bunch of friends a really thoughtful email today with a bunch of ideas in it for how to help our friend Eva* deal with cancer. Problem is, I don't know Martha, Eva, or any of the friends. Somebody else has an email address that's almost exactly like mine, minus a period or an underscore or something like that. (*not their real names)

This happens to me periodically, and it never ends well. Last time I really hacked off the sender (not Martha) by asking her to take me out of her address book after I got twelve messages over three days planning "our" twentieth reunion get-together.

I really wanted to do the right thing by Martha and Eva, though--for obvious reasons--so I sent an email back saying, "I think I may have mistakenly landed on your distribution list ... "

I should have learned by now that this NEVER works.

Martha wrote back:

"I thought you'd want to be in the loop on Eva. We shared so many memories in Newport!
Hope you are well."

Laird urged me to write back to Martha and dredge up some of the juiciest details of our time in Newport, but I thought that might be unkind, given the circumstances. In a (probably futile, and most certainly punishable) attempt to set Martha straight, I did write this back to her:

"You are thinking of another Sarah -- none of the names on the distribution list, or any other references, are remotely familiar to me. I hope you find the person you're looking for!"

I'm worried that still might not be clear enough, and am dreading the message that comes back saying, "Look: I know you were upset about what happened that night, but there are psychologists that can help you recover those memories. When you're ready to be our friend again, we're all still here for you. And I hope you'll be able to live with yourself for not being there for Eva."

It's amazing how much guilt I can feel about my failure to be a good friend to this bunch of people I've never met. Do the clinicians working to revise the DSM know about this?

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April 5th, 2010

08:29 pm - Caleb Was Brilliant Today
"It's really hard to turn your eyeballs inside out, but you can, if you wanted to see your brain."

AND, in reference to my stealing a few bites of cheddar off his plate (note that he was not actually planning to EAT said cheddar):

"Mommy. Write a list that says, 'Do not eat any of Caleb's cheese,' because you know how you sometimes forget?"

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April 29th, 2009

02:42 pm - My Words, His Mouth
Caleb: I'm going to do stickers now.
Me: [silence, since I'm engrossed in IMing Laird]
Caleb: Does that sound like a plan?

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March 31st, 2009

11:05 pm - Late Nights in Our Bathroom
We've started waking Audrey up every night before we go to bed so she can use the bathroom. She's usually about three-quarters of the way asleep. One night, after she finished, I handed her a wad of toilet paper and she wiped her face with it and dropped it in the toilet. I had to be scraped up off the bathroom floor. Apparently, though, I missed her best performance ever tonight. Laird took her. She tried twice to take off her clothes before she got to the bathroom, but he stopped her and got her safely to the facilities. Then he stepped out for a moment. When he came back, she had Caleb's squishy ducky potty seat around her ankles and was trying desperately to pull it up over her legs. Laird can't even walk past the bathroom now without becoming hysterical.

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March 19th, 2009

04:15 pm - Learning a Second Language
Audrey: Okie dokie! That means "yes."
Caleb: And "azul" means blue.

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